


Tax Benefits

by AlmondRose



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, THERES A WEDDING, and bribery, asexual damian wayne, asexual stephanie brown, dick cries a lot, in other news jay wasn't actually invited he just showed up, mentions of joyfire but not more than mentions, who let jason be the officiater? good question
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 08:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8659048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmondRose/pseuds/AlmondRose
Summary: Steph and Damian decide to get platonic married, and Cass has a few words about that....





	

**Author's Note:**

> Steph is ace and Damian is ace aro. They live together platonically and decided to get married for tax benefits.
> 
> also Damian's like.....20s here? idk he's an adult tho

Steph hears a window open and she says “Hey, Cass, waffles are in the kitchen,” and doesn’t move from her spot leaning against Damian’s shoulder. Damian’s doing some WE thing, and Steph’s scrolling through her camera roll, deleting old screenshots and laughing at old selfies. 

 

Steph hears Cass putter to the kitchen and return, sitting on the couch next to them, draping her feet across Damian’s lap. Damian grunts but doesn’t protest. 

 

“How’s it been?” Steph asks. Cass doesn’t respond and Steph closes her phone and twists over to look at her friend. “Cass?” Cass is staring intently at the pair of them. Damian’s eyes flicker over to Steph’s, and then they both look at Cass. 

 

“Everything okay?” Steph asks. Cass leans forward and reaches for Damian’s neck, extracting a chain from under his shirt. A gold ring dangles from the chain. All three of them stare at it, Steph with a sinking feeling as she wonders what Cass is going to say. 

 

“What is this,” Cass says, her voice deadly calm. 

 

“A ring?” Damian says, in the tone of voice with an underlying “ _ duh”.  _

 

“Why do you have a ring?” Cass asks and Steph shifts her hand under her butt. Cass notices and lunges, lifting it up and inspecting the new addition to her middle finger. She releases it slowly, and Steph isn’t sure what she’s thinking but it can’t be good. 

 

“It was just for tax benefits!” Steph blurts before Cass can say anything. Damian turns to look at her, a look Steph well recognizes even though they’ve only been married for about two days:  _ Why did I marry you?  _ Steph sticks her tongue out at him. 

 

“Why wasn’t I invited?” Cass asks. 

 

“Um, nobody was?” Steph says. “It was in court.” Cass’s eyes narrow. 

 

“I won’t invite you to my wedding,” she says. 

 

“Cain--”

 

“Cass!” Steph protests. “That doesn’t even make sense!” 

 

“That’s how it works,” Cass says, releasing Damian’s ring and crossing her arms. 

 

“No it isn’t,” Damian says. 

 

“I’ll go get Harper right now,” Cass says, standing up. “How fast do you think we can get to Vegas?” She walks around the couch and Steph throws herself at the back of the couch. 

 

“Cass!” she says. “What the heck?”

 

“You aren’t invited,” Cass says, pulling out her phone. “Neither of you. Just Tim.” Damian makes an outraged noise and Steph squeaks, rather undignified. 

 

“CAIN NO,” Damian yells, and Cass pauses. 

 

“Do you think there’s nice churches in Vegas?” she says. 

 

“Cass you can’t!” Steph says. “I have to be maid of honor at your wedding!” 

 

“Too late,” Cass says, crossing her arms again. “You didn’t invite me, I don’t invite you.” She leaves. Steph and Damian exchange a look, then they’re off, launching out the window after her. 

 

Cass can move pretty quick, Steph reflects as they run after her. They catch up and Steph pants. 

 

“You can’t get married because you’re being petty!” she says.

 

“Why not?” Cass asks, tossing a look over her shoulder. 

 

“Y--you just can’t!” Steph says, too flabbergasted to form a proper answer.

 

“Think of Pennyworth’s poor heart,” Damian says in a monotone. Cass stops walking, and Steph almost runs into her. 

 

“Have you told Alfred?” she asks. 

 

“Of course, he was our witness,” Steph says, then she claps her hands over her mouth. “Oops.” Cass looks like she’s going to set something on fire, as she turns and flounces away with renewed vigor. 

 

“NIce going, Brown,” Damian says and Steph smacks him. They jog after Cass. 

 

When they find her, she’s caught up to Harper outside of the diner where Harper works. Cass kisses her. 

 

“We have to get married,” she says when they pull apart. It could be a sweet thing, but the tone sort of dulls down the intention. 

 

“Uh,” Harper says, confused. 

 

“Now,” Cass says, tugging on her hand.

 

“Cass--” Steph says. “It was a mistake, okay?”

 

“We didn’t think you’d mind,” Damian says. “Clearly we were wrong.”

 

“But we did think of you!” Steph says, aiming finger guns at her best friend. Cass narrows her eyes again and Steph wonders if her head will explode.

 

“I feel like I’m missing something, here--” Harper starts to say but Damian cuts her off. 

 

“Cain, you and Row should wait until you are both ready and willing to be married, and in a place other than Vegas, the family will have fits--”

 

“Vegas?” Harper repeats and Cass shrugs. 

 

“Harper was going to propose in a few months,” she says. “If I didn’t get there first. Already bought a ring.” Harper doesn’t even look surprised. 

 

“But your wedding would be the highlight of Gotham and the entire caped community!” Steph cries. “You need to have a real one!”

 

“Nope,” Cass says. “I can have a plane ready in thirty.”

 

“What can we do to make you  _ not _ go?” Damian asks. Cass smiles wickedly, and Steph hopes he regrets asking. 

 

\-------

 

She finds herself the next day, shuffling her converse-clad feet and clutching a bouquet of bright daisies. Dick is in a full tux next to her. 

 

“I can’t believe my baby brother is getting married,” he says, choking up a little. Steph raises an eyebrow. 

 

“It’s like, one hundred percent platonic,” she says. “You know that, right?”

 

“I know, but ever since he came out I thought I’d never get a chance to be at his wedding!” Dick says. “I mean, Jay’s never getting married, too afraid of commitment even though Roy and Kori have been with him for  _ years,  _ Tim--who knows, but I thought, for a long time--anyway, I’m glad to see him get married.”

 

“Duke’s married,” Steph points out, probably unnecessarily. 

 

“That he is,” Dick agrees, the wedding march starts to play and Steph rolls her eyes. She readies her daisies and brushes out her white sundress. 

 

“Ready?” she asks. 

 

“I am,” Dick says, and he takes her arm and they walk around the bush they had been waiting behind. Cass and Harper are in lawn seats next to a folding table that Jason is standing in front of, Damian next to him. Cass is processing up the aisle as the maid of honor, and she sits next to Harper when she reaches the front. Steph separates from Dick and stands across from Damian. Steph can see two more knives than usual hidden on his person. He must be stressed. 

 

“Chill,” she says. “We already got married.”

 

“Shh,” Jason says before Damian can say anything else. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Stephanie Brown and Damian Wayne.” He keeps talking and Steph zones him out. She says “I do” when the time comes, and Damian says it in return, but other than that….

 

“You may now kiss the bride!” Jason says grandly, and both Damian and Steph make a face.

 

“Todd, you are well aware that I am--”

 

“Kiss,” Jason says, waving his arms. Steph rolls her eyes and swoops in, kissing the tip of Damian’s nose. 

 

“Happy?” she asks.

 

“Very,” Jason says. “Now I’d better go, before someone finds me here on Wayne Manor property….” He sprints away Steph rolls her eyes. 

 

“Congrats,” Harper says, coming up to them. “Where’s the honeymoon at?”

 

“Gotham,” Damian says dryly and Steph laughs. 

 

“It was a lovely ceremony,” Alfred says. “I especially enjoyed Master Jason’s...exit.” 

 

“Honestly same,” Steph says. She ignores Dick, who’s crying and trying to hide it, and turns to Cass. “Happy?”

 

“Still have to throw the bouquet,” Cass says, and Steph sighs. She turns around and takes three steps forward. 

 

“Ready?” she asks. She doesn’t wait for a response, just tosses it behind her. When she turns around, Cass is holding the bouquet and smiling. Harper looks a little excited and a little afraid. 

 

“Happy now,” Cass says, and Steph wonders if the whole thing was a convoluted plot to catch the bouquet. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> THEN BRUCE FINDS OUT LIKE THREE YEARS LATER VIA A SEARCH OF THE CITY'S MARRIAGE CERTIFICATES FOR A CASE 
> 
> thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! ;) comments/kudos are always welcome


End file.
